Amsterdam

"So what are you doing in Amsterdam?" I asked the cute boy in my hostel, who had just moved into the bunk above me. He smirked at me and said knowingly "I think Im here in Amsterdam, doing what everyone here in Amsterdam is doing." I smiled in the best friendly smile I could muster while freezing cold and day two into what seemed like a pretty bad flu. I held my tongue, and mumbled "yeah great," or something of the sort. Really what I wanted to say was "Oh wow! You're hear for the same reasons as me? You came to Europe for a month to write a book on relationships, feminism, and the way we know longer have strong cultural practices that shape the way we form relationships with each other in a western society? You also wanted to go to vineyards to drink wine because you believe becoming a wine maker is one of the most inspiring lifestyles you can think of? And you took a quick trip to Amsterdam because you heard it was beautiful, fell in love with the canals, the great food scene, and visited art galleries because you were raised by an artist, and wanted to see some of the pictures she raised you to believe are important to your education, and when you saw them, you knew she was right, and then you felt so thankful to your mother for installing these believes in you."

I was pretty sure that my reasons for being in Amsterdam where not his version of "what we are all doing in Amsterdam." It quickly became apartment to me in my sick haze of bad sleeps and runny nose that it was time to take some advice from good old Bob Marley when he sang "If you don't like my fire then don't come around, because I'm going to burn one down." The fact that I even knew this song hints at a more open minded past, but right then, in that moment, in that backpackers I had an epiphany. If I decided I no longer wanted to spend a minute more in this busy dorm room, with its tiny beds, that have plastic mattress protecters, being woken up by drunk girls who want to talk to me at 3am, I did not have to. I realised that I never had to have another conversation with some arrogant white dude, who has made the effort to travel all the way to an extremely beautiful country just so he can smoke a heap of weed. So I packed up my bag, booked myself into a hotel room that I found last minute and jumped into a cab.

In a few days I turn twenty five. This is an age where you no longer get to say that you are in your early twenties, which is code for "I have no idea what Im doing, but I don't have to because Im not a real adult right yet." When I walked out of that hostel room tonight I realised that that wasn't something I would have done in my early twenties. In my early twenties I probably would have drunk two pints of beer, suffered through boring conversations with the stoned guy and spent a night not being able to sleep because I was too sick to be able to breath properly. Mid twenties me wasn't having a bar of this. Sitting in my hotel room, overlooking the boats on the canal, I had a feeling that I was going to like my mid twenties.

The other thing I realised that I have loved (despite my small complaints) is Amsterdam. This city is amazing, and to be honest Im a little sad I didn't spend more time here instead of in Paris. This is a city I could see myself living in, with its beautiful cake shops, creative life style, yoga classes, health foods, bike riders everywhere and wonderful scenery. The whole time I was in Paris I was waiting for the moment where it would hit me and I would think "Oh my goodness, I have to move to Paris!" but it never came. In Amsterdam I felt at home though. When I walked the streets I never really felt lost, but more found than anything. I walked into a little cafe off a side street today for lunch only to realise that the couple who served me had not only cooked all the food themselves, they had also grown most of it. This kind of thing is normal here, and the standard of living seems so high.

The city is really strange in that when I came here I thought it would be just sex and drugs. These are the things Amsterdam is known for, and yes they are here. They are also right in your face (I accidentally found myself in the red light district one nigh.) At the same time though everywhere feels so safe. I think the fact that the cities 'darker side' is so out in the open actually helps the city. Its like they have made peace with the reality of what people will do, let them do it, and then get on to focus on other things like art, and music, and amazing cake shops!

I think I'll be back to Amsterdam, and I'm glad I visited this place in my mid twenties.